Finding your people when queer spaces are disappearing

When familiar places close and gatherings become less visible, it can feel as though nobody is left. Especially if there is no one nearby you can talk to openly about yourself. But people are still connecting: in small chats, online gatherings, book clubs and circles of friends. Finding them can take time, and it is fine to start with a small step.

You do not have to find a whole group of friends straight away. Right now, you might want one person to talk to, an activity to share, or somewhere to spend time with people whose experiences resemble yours. Let that guide your search.

Published: 21 July 2026

Start with something you enjoy

A conversation is easier to start when you have something in common: a book, a film, a game, learning a language or a creative project. You can find these activities through queer initiatives and other communities alike. You can begin by discussing something familiar without sharing your personal story straight away.

Another place to look is among the followers of queer creators you enjoy. Comments and associated chats can bring together people with similar interests. But liking the same creator does not automatically mean you will feel comfortable with each other.

Not every welcoming space calls itself a queer community. Look at book clubs, gaming groups, feminist groups and other communities that interest you. Judge how welcoming they are to LGBTQ+ people by their rules and members’ behaviour: how do they respond to demeaning jokes, do they respect names and pronouns, and can you opt out of an uncomfortable conversation?

Explore gatherings and small chats

Queer initiatives are one place to look for discussion groups, interest clubs and support groups. Choose a format that fits what you need: a social gathering and a group for discussing difficult experiences can work very differently. Before signing up, it helps to ask who the gathering is for, who facilitates it and whether you can simply listen at first.

Look for announcements and contact details on the initiatives’ own official channels, or ask people you trust. Schedules, registration and entry requirements change: an old post does not necessarily mean a gathering is still running.

You can ease into a chat: read the rules, observe how people talk to each other, then join a conversation that interests you. You do not have to message everyone or agree to meet in person straight away. Sometimes a regular, brief exchange is enough for a connection to begin.

Trust takes time

Restricted access and an introductory conversation with organisers may be part of looking after participants. But neither an invitation from a friend nor a screening process guarantees safety. If you are asked for personal information, find out why it is needed, who will see it and whether you can participate without providing it.

Before joining in, check what your profile reveals: your phone number, photo, workplace or links to other accounts. Take your time before sharing your home address, documents or details that make you easy to find. Even a private conversation can reach people outside it.

Pay attention to how your boundaries are treated, too. Pressure, demands to prove your identity or persistent requests to disclose more than you are comfortable with are enough reason to stop an interaction. You are free to leave a chat, decline further contact or approach the moderators.

Offer others the same care: do not forward their messages, photos or contact details without permission, or disclose the locations of private gatherings.

If you would like to meet in person

You could suggest a short call beforehand, if you are both comfortable with that. It can help you get to know each other a little, but it does not replace caution. For a first meeting, choose somewhere you feel comfortable, with other people around, where you can leave independently.

If there is someone close to you whom you trust, arrange to let them know when you arrive and when you are back. You do not need to agree to a change of location or a longer meeting out of politeness. You can say no at any point.

You do not have to feel close straight away

A shared identity does not make people alike in every way. If one group is not right for you, that does not mean you are bad at making friends or will never find your people. You can try a different format, spend less time socialising or take a break.

One step is enough to begin: ask the organisers a question, join a book discussion or reply to someone whose thoughts resonate with you. Not every acquaintance will become a friend. But even small, repeated interactions give you a chance to get to know each other, without rushing or having to earn the right to be yourself.

If looking for connection brings up a lot of anxiety, our article on anxiety among LGBTQ+ people may help. If you are facing threats, persecution or another crisis, find out what support Aegis offers.